American College of Pediatricians Warns Against Same-Sex Families

Published by National Catholic Register (USA) on 3 June 2008.

LONDON, Ontario — Dawn Stefanowicz says she knows from personal experience that what the American College of Pediatricians recommends is true.

She is a Canadian woman who grew up in a homosexual household. She says Americans wouldn’t support same-sex “marriage” if they understood how it can harm children.

Stefanowicz, author of the book Out From Under: the Impact of Homosexual Parenting, rejects the claim of homosexual activists that same-sex households are just as healthy for kids as heterosexual homes.

“That hasn’t been my experience or the experience of people who have contacted me who have been raised in a similar situation,” said Stefanowicz. “We’ve all faced negative challenges in this kind of household.”

Brad Luna, director of communications for the Human Rights Campaign, disagreed with critics of same-sex households with children.

“My response would be to look at every major psychological and child-welfare national organization,” he said, “who have all come out and said that children raised with same-sex parents have no less development than children who were raised in a heterosexual relationship.”

But one organization that does not endorse homosexual parenting is the American College of Pediatricians.

“The environment in which children are reared is absolutely critical to their development,” the college states in a position statement about homosexual parenting posted in the “Position Statements” section of its website, acpeds.org.

“Given the current body of research, the American College of Pediatricians believes it is inappropriate, potentially hazardous to children, and dangerously irresponsible to change the age-old prohibition on homosexual parenting, whether by adoption, foster care, or by reproductive manipulation,” it says. “This position is rooted in the best available science.”

The American College of Pediatricians’ position statement references the many studies that have found that children thrive best in families with a married mother and father.

Dr. Michelle Cretella, a Rhode Island general pediatrician who is a board member of the American College of Pediatricians, said Luna is correct in saying that major medical groups have expressed support for homosexual parenting.

But she said that they have done so despite the fact that scientific research has not established that such families are as healthy for kids as married heterosexual families.

Faulty Comparisons

Cretella said that when the American Academy of Pediatrics endorsed same-sex parenting in 2002, it acted on the recommendation of a small committee that she says had an agenda.

The academy endorsed homosexual parents over the specific objections of some committee members who noted the flaws in the research studies that found same-sex parenting to be as healthy as heterosexual parenting, she said.

A key methodological flaw in those studies is that they compared the wellbeing of children in homosexual households to those raised in difficult circumstances such as single-parent households that resulted from divorce, Cretella said.

None of the studies compared children raised by homosexual parents to children with two heterosexual parents in a stable, loving marriage.

Said Cretella, “Because if you do that, and we have decades of studies that have compared children in a traditional home with children of single mothers, children of single fathers, adoptive children, stepfamilies, children raised by a mother and grandmother, and across the board socially, emotionally, intellectually and physically children reared physically by their two biological parents do better across all those measures.”

Cretella cited a recent meta-study conducted by two pro-homosexual researchers. It found that girls raised in homosexual households are more likely to be more aggressive, boys are likely to be less masculine and that both girls and boys engage in sexual experimentation at earlier ages and are more sexually promiscuous.

While the researchers who conducted the meta-study did not regard their findings as negative, Cretella said, “those of us on the pro-family side look at that and say, ‘No, you’re rearing children with some gender confusion and you’re putting them at risk for sexually transmitted diseases.’”

Another documented consequence of same-sex parenting is an increased likelihood that children of same-sex parents will claim a homosexual identity themselves. Cretella noted that multiple studies have found that homosexually behaving teens and young adults suffer increased rates of depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addictions and suicidal thoughts.

And in the case of boys who adopt a homosexual lifestyle because of the influence of their same-sex parents, Cretella said, they face a 30% chance of being dead or HIV-positive by the age of 30.

Personal Experience

Dawn Stefanowicz has personally experienced some of the negative consequences of homosexual parenting.

In the 1960s and 1970s, from the age of 10 months old, she was raised in a Toronto household where her chronically ill mother lived along with her father and a succession of his same-sex partners. Her father eventually died of AIDS in 1991.

Exposure to her father’s promiscuous homosexuality hurt Stefanowicz in a variety of ways, she says. The fact that he had multiple same-sex partners generated profound feelings of insecurity, she said.

“I always had that fear, beginning as a little child, that I could easily be discarded although I was a dependent living in this household and he happened to be my biological father,” Stefanowicz said. “His partners were more important than I was. That was the sense I had.”

Compounding her insecurity was the death by suicide of two of her father’s sexual partners, and the confusion she felt about her own sexual identity because she was a young girl living in a home where male homosexuality and transsexuality were held up as attractive qualities.

Said Stefanowicz, “It wasn’t good enough to be a girl.”

Stefanowicz said she also learned from an early age that she shouldn’t discuss what her family life was like. One of the things it included was accompanying her father to sites where the homosexual cruising subculture was occurring, such as parks and beaches and bathhouses.

Along with witnessing her father’s abnormal sexual behaviors, Stefanowicz said she also had to deal with other problems that he and his partners had, including mental health issues and addictions.

Other adults who were raised in same-sex households have told Stefanowicz that they had to wrestle with the negative consequences of the same kind of experiences.

Said Stefanowicz, “We see that as children and we are going to struggle with some of the same issues.”

Ignoring the Consqeuences

American College of Pediatricians board member Cretella said that the interests of children like Dawn are being ignored in the renewed debate over the legalization of same-sex “marriage” that was triggered by last month’s California Supreme Court decision legalizing such unions in that state.

“The way the issue has been framed by same-sex marriage activists is purely looking at individual rights — the rights of adults,” she said. “And they have removed any concept of family from the definition of marriage.”

Cretella said this ignores the historical fact that the primary purpose has always been to bond the father to his children and the children’s mother, in order to create a healthy family environment where children will thrive.

Said Cretella, “Marriage has everything to do with family.”

Catholic psychiatrist Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons, co-author of the Catholic Medical Association’s handbook “Homosexuality and Hope,” said that highlighting this negative reality for children is critically important in explaining why same-sex “marriage” should not be legalized.

“Children should not be placed in that lifestyle,” Fitzgibbons said. “All of the sociological and psychological research makes it clear that the gold standard for children is a family life with a mother and a father who are married.”

Stefanowicz agrees. Through her Christian faith and years of counseling, Stefanowicz was able to come to terms with the damage caused by her upbringing and subsequently to marry.

Today, she is an accountant and home schools her two children and operates a website, dawnstefanowicz.com, dedicated to providing support and healing to other people reared in homosexual families.

And she’s also determined to tell Americans about the heartbreak they are inviting if they allow courts and legislatures to legalize homosexual “marriage” nationally, as Canada’s federal parliament did in 2005.

Said Stefanowicz, “I’m hoping that many, many people will wake up and start looking at children’s best interests.”

Tom McFeely writes from

Victoria, British Columbia.

How to get the perfect divorce

Published by The Guardian UK on 9 Feb 2011. By Afua Hirsch.

1 Ensuring the best outcome for a divorce should start before a lawyer is even instructed. "Sometimes clients just need to leave time before proceeding with a divorce," says Vanessa Lloyd Platt, from divorce solicitors Lloyd Platt & Co. "I won't deal with a divorce less than six months after a woman has given birth for example, because people – both men and women – are often very exhausted, upset and disappointed in each other. Decisions taken then are not necessarily the best ones."

2 Many lawyers also recommend that clients have therapy while going through the divorce; it's rarely a good idea to use time with a lawyer to talk through the emotional issues. "We are infinitely more expensive than therapists and we need to be able to remain commercial about the process of a divorce, while providing empathy," says Sandra Davis, head of family law at Mishcon de Reya. "I always recommend a therapist, and for clients to use mediation or family therapy for child-related disputes."

3 Once the decision to proceed with a divorce has been taken, the choice of lawyer is key. Obviously it makes sense to choose one with experience in matrimonial law. But also, says Lloyd Platt, "Having two divorce lawyers who have a working relationship with each other is crucial."

4 Mediation can help avoid adversarial and antagonistic proceedings and the government now requires couples whose divorce is paid for by public funding to mediate, as a way of trying to resolve disputes out of court.

It involves a single mediator working with both parties to agree on the division of assets, maintenance and other issues. Mediators are often lawyers who have had special training and usually hold between three and five sessions, each lasting 60-90 minutes, over two or three months. This can cost from around £300 to £1,000 depending how many sessions are needed. Many lawyers recommend finding a mediator who is registered with Resolution, the family law advice organisation. But mediation must be done at the right stage. "If you mediate too early, and you don't have enough financial information or disclosure, it will unravel," says Lloyd Platt.

5 Collaborative law – a technique that requires both parties to work together in a constructive manner – is also popular with many lawyers. "This requires both parties and their solicitors to sign a participation agreement," says John Osborne, partner at Cumbria-based law firm Temple Heelis. "They agree not to go over past events, to deal with matters in a non-confrontational way, to be open about finances and arrangements, and not to give secret advice. All meetings are conducted together. If the process breaks down because they can't reach agreement, the two solicitors are automatically disqualified." The parties then need to go down the normal route.

Mediation and conflict resolution are particularly good at minimising the detrimental impact of divorce on children. "It's so important to maintain a line of communication where children are involved, and to find ways of agreeing about them," says Davis.

6 It's essential to maintain realistic expectations. Men and women tend to approach the outcomes very differently. "There is absolutely no doubt that many men treat the whole divorce issue as a business deal. Many women get very emotionally attached to the family home," says Lloyd Platt. "Sometimes we have to advise a woman that if she can let go of the notion that she needs to keep the home, she may be able to agree a better financial settlement."

"For a divorce to work, everyone has to feel a bit of pain when it comes to settlements and each side has to give and take," says Davis.

Reflecting True Islam

Influential scholar adds to Muslim disquiet in conversion row

(Malaysian Insider)

By Shannon Teoh

LAMPETER, (Wales), May 1 — The Cabinet's unilateral decision that children be raised in the faith of their parents while married even if one spouse later converts to Islam contradicts both Islam and fundamental human rights, according to the former mufti of Perlis, Mohamad Asri Zainul Abidin.

He said, however, that there should be no forced conversions and that both parents have a right to educate their children in their respective religions.

Adding more fuel to the roiling debate over the issue of conversion, the maverick Muslim scholar with a strong following among young Muslims in Malaysia accused the government of making the decision simply to gain support from the electorate.

"The problem here is that when a government is crazy for votes, especially non-Muslim votes, they make decisions based on sentiment. If the Chinese now ask for something, and then the Malays, then the stand keeps changing," he said in an exclusive interview with The Malaysian Insider here.

Asri, who was mufti for two years before quitting the position to move to Wales last December to research on Islam, joined the chorus of disapproval which includes conservative Muslim groups as well as a number of PAS leaders.

The criticisms were sparked by the controversial case of conversion involving the custody of children belonging to Indira Ghandi, a Hindu, and her ex-husband who had converted to Islam.

As a state mufti, Asri has been praised by progressive voices for his stand against the propensity of religious authorities to conduct raids on Muslim couples engaged in khalwat, or close proximity, and has stated that non-Muslims had a right to use the word "Allah".

But he remains a dogmatic Islamic scholar.

"Just because I convert, I have no right over the religious future of my children? This is not right according to Islam and also universal human rights," he said.

"Why can't the father teach his children? In fact, there should be no decision until he reaches the proper age because even in Islam, children are not responsible over sin and pahala (reward).

"The Cabinet should have left it to the courts, whether Syariah or civil. It does not matter so long as they decide fairly," he said, adding that both courts would have to take into account religious factors as well as which parent can best provide for the child in deciding custody rights.

Asri explained that as long as the other parent had visitation rights, he or she can also teach the children about his or her own religion before the children decide for themselves.

He also defended the role of Syariah courts in arbitrating these matters, stating that the problem in Malaysia was not the fairness of Islamic jurisprudence but the inefficiency of the Syariah courts locally.

"The problem is not Islam but Syariah courts not reflecting true Islam. According to Islam, divorce cases must be settled within three menstrual cycles of the wife, but instead, we see that it takes years.

"When cases are delayed, people feel Islam is being cruel, but in fact, it is the inefficiency of the Syariah courts," he said.

Asri also said that no authority should force religion on a person as there was nothing to be gained from it.

"As a Muslim, of course I want people to join my religion as I believe it is the true way. But you can force a person to eat or drink but you cannot force belief. If you say something is red, and he thinks it is blue, even though we force him to say it is red, in his heart, it is still blue," he commented.

Referring to the landmark case of Lina Joy, who attempted to change her religious status on her identity card from Islam to Christian, Asri said that there was no point in retaining her status as a Muslim.

"What is the benefit? Do we want people who do not believe in Islam with ICs that say they are Muslim? If they get married to Muslims, then there will be problems. What if their spouses become committee members of mosques, for example. Won't this create confusion?"

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/42059-jais-targets-ex-perlis-mufti-for-unauthorised-lecture : JAIS targets ex-Perlis Mufti for unauthorised-lecture.